Child Sexual Abuse


Frequently Asked Questions:
 
What is Child Sexual Abuse?
 The exploitation of a child to meet the sexual or emotional needs of an adult or older child.
Child sexual abuse is when a child is exposed to sexual information that they are too young to understand. It is rare that a child is abused by a stranger; usually a child is abused by someone they know. Child sexual abuse can take place across a continuum of offenses, however active forms of abuse may seem more obvious. Active sexual abuse is when someone uses their power to coerce or control someone else to do something that benefits themselves that is intentionally hurtful to the child.
 
Touching offenses may include:
• Fondling
• Vaginal, oral or anal intercourse or attempted intercourse
• Touching of the genitals
• Incest
• Prostitution
• Rape
 
Non-touching offenses may include:
• Verbal sexual stimulation, such as frank discussion about sexual acts intended to arouse the child’s interest or shock the child
• Obscene telephone calls
• Exhibitionism or voyeurism
 
Less obvious, often unintentional forms of sexual abuse may seem harmless but actually can damage a child’s self esteem. These examples of passive abuse can also affect the child’s ability to develop healthy relationships and sexuality as an adult:
• Children’s exposure to highly sexually provocative material through TV, ads, music and film
• Adults or other children using sexually disparaging language related to a child/teen’s appearance (i.e., slutty, trashy, hussy, etc.)
• A child’s request for bathroom privacy is not honored
• A child finds pornography at home
 
What is the scope of the problem?
Unfortunately, national statistics report that one out of every four girls and one out of every six boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18. Children with disabilities are far more likely to be abused than the average child.
People who sexually abuse children are likely to be people we know, and could even be people we care about. A common misconception is that strangers present the greatest risk; however in 85% of reports, child sexual abuse is committed by relatives, close family friends or an adult that the child knows and trusts. Child sexual abuse happens every day across the country, with little regard for social classes, racial or ethnic groups, religious affiliations, or sexual orientation.
 
How do perpetrators gain the trust of child victims?
Grooming is a very common technique perpetrators use; generally a person starts a relationship with a child or teenager with the intention of sexually abusing them. Often times, the abuser entices the victim with the simple pleasures of just being noticed and in a relationship with an adult where that adult is giving the child a lot of positive attention. The person in power may give the child/teenager gifts; they may begin asking the person to keep secrets about small things with the intention of preparing the young person to then keep a larger secret. Also the touching may start in a way that feels vaguely confusing for a child like tickling or hugging. This is why it is especially important to teach your child the difference between secrecy and privacy. Secrets need to be limited to birthday and Christmas presents while privacy has to do with the child’s right to have time alone in the bathroom and to keep things in their room like journals that they can be assured no one will look at or read. These practices teach good personal boundaries that empower children to resist people who might hurt them. It is also helpful to teach a child a good feelings vocabulary and to be respectful of children’s feelings.
 
What do I do if my child has been sexually abused?
The most important thing is to believe him or her! Children rarely lie about abuse. There is little evidence that children make false allegations of abuse; what is more common is a child denying that abuse happened when it did. Children have different ways of talking about their lives and remember details differently than adults do. If a child reports sexual abuse that has not actually occurred, it is still a very serious cry for help and it will be important to seek professional support.
Quick Tips:
• Support the child by listening and staying calm. Your calmness will reassure the child that they can also be OK and that they have not done anything wrong.
• Reassure the child that what has happened is not his or her fault. One of the worst tricks abusers play on children is the way they trick the child into believing that they were an equal partner in the abuse.
• Report the abuse immediately.
 
Missouri Hotline: 1-800-392-3738
Kansas Hotline: 1-800-922-5330
 
• Call MOCSA. We have a 24-hour Crisis Line where an advocate can provide support and direction as you begin to navigate this difficult terrain.
 
MOCSA in Missouri: 816-531-023
MOCSA in Kansas: 913-642-0233
 
• Know that children can recover from sexual abuse, particularly if they have the support of a caring, available adult.
• Get help yourself. It is often very painful to acknowledge that your child has been sexually exploited — parents can harm children further if they inappropriately minimize the abuse or if they have irrational fears related to the abuse. MOCSA can help caretakers deal with their own feelings about the abuse so that they are able to provide support to their children.
 
Click the following links to download helpful tip sheets for guiding you in responding to disclosures of sexual abuse.
How might one feel as a parent of an abused child?
Blame, disbelief, fear, guilt and anger are all common responses of parents of abused children. It is important to remember that the abuse your child has experienced is neither their fault nor yours. You are not to blame for the abuse that has happened and it is important to remember that you are their best hope for the future. You are their most important advocate, support and resource!
 
How can I lessen the impact of Child Sexual Abuse?
All children respond differently to sexual abuse. Some seem to rebound more quickly than others. What was different for that survivor? Most likely, it was the way their parents or the system responded to them. The absolutely most crucial thing a child needs is to be believed.
 
Do:
Do allow your child to lead the discussion.
Do answer questions to the best of your ability.
Do help your child maintain their normal routine. Routine helps children feel safe and settle anxiety.
Do control your own emotions around the child. Your reactions could make the child feel guilty for upsetting you.
Do allow the criminal justice system to work.
Do encourage your child to tell her/his own story in her/his own words.
 
Don’t:
Don’t ask probing questions.
Don’t respond negatively to the abuse with comments like “How could you be so stupid?” or “Why didn’t you try to stop it?”
Don’t try to sweep the incident under the rug; deal with the disclosure. Support the child, report the incident, and get them the help they need.
Don’t threaten to harm the abuser. If the abuser is his/her parent, they still love that parent.
 
Great Responses:
“I am glad you told me, thank you.”
“You are very brave and did the right thing.”
“I am sorry this happened to you and I wasn’t there to stop it.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I am proud of you for telling me.”
“I need to make a report to people who know how to stop the abuse. There are people who can help us.”
 
What should I know as a caregiver?
• Every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse regardless of cultural background or income level.
• It can happen right under your nose and you may never know — less than 1 in 10 victims will tell.
• Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.
• Often there are no physical signs of sexual abuse.
• Many cases of child sexual abuse go unreported because the child is afraid or ashamed to tell — there is little evidence that children make false allegations of sexual abuse.
• The offender may have threatened to hurt a family member, or the child feels that she/he is to blame for the abuse.
• The child is never to blame for the abuse; children cannot prevent abuse, only the offender can.
• Children need to feel loved, valued and protected.
• Children are best protected by giving them the knowledge and skills necessary for their safety and well-being.
 
What are there signs a child is being sexually abused?
The following is a partial list of indicators that do not necessarily indicate sexual abuse, but may indicate a serious problem deserving more attention. For children who are non-verbal, or who have difficulty communicating, these indicators will often appear as a change in the child’s behavior. 
 
Behavior Indicators:
• Abrupt changes in behavior.
• Sexual behaviors with classmates.
• Refusal to undress for physical education.
• Reluctance to go home.
• Report of sexual involvement with an adult or child.
• Low self-esteem.
• Wearing many layers of clothing regardless of the weather.
• Recurrent nightmares or disturbed sleep patterns and fear of the dark.
• Regression to more infantile behavior like bed-wetting, thumb-sucking or excessive crying.
• Unusual interest in, or knowledge of, sexual matters.
• Poor peer relationships.
• Eating disturbances.
• Negative coping skills, such as substance abuse and/or self-harm.
 
Physical Indicators:
• Sexually transmitted disease.
• Pregnancy.
• Complaints of pain or itching in the genital area.
• Difficulty in walking or sitting.
• Repeated unusual injuries.
• Pain during elimination.
• Frequent yeast infections.
• Pain, swelling, or itching in genital area.

Click to download the Indicators of Sexual Abuse Tip Sheet